HEY WELCOME TO THIS BLOG POST, SMOKE WEED TO THIS:


You’re welcome.

Now we’ll give you some background info.

Some asshole philosophy student wrote this article about these trippy internet/3d/comsumery videos called ‘vaporwave.’

“Is it a critique of capitalism or a capitulation to it?” A better question to ask would be what’s the best way to sound like you’re trapped inside of a pretentious art school’s echo chamber?

long, long, long, long, long blog post cut short (i read it for you and you’re welcome) much there are two new “genres” for you to be bombarded with thesis “posts” on people’s blogs. Both described as ‘post-lo-fi’ and ‘post-retro.’ Because apparently you can put ‘post’ in front of any existing genre in order to make a new one.

One genre is Hypnagogic, explained as “manifestly lo-fi, with tape hiss and muffled hi frequencies in the extreme” and the other is Vaporwave, characterized as “crystal clear as a brand new entertainment system playing its demo disc” and “next step in the evolution of hypnagogic pop…” but somehow also “the opposite of hypnagogic pop” because a pretentious artsy critique could never be complete without involving some sort of contradiction.

Both genres are said to be a celebration of  “accelerationism.” For those of you not familiar (which should be all of you because the shit’s made up)  accelerationism is “the notion that the dissolution of civilization wrought by capitalism should not and cannot be resisted, but rather must be pushed faster and farther towards the insanity and anarchically fluid violence that is its ultimate conclusion, either because this is liberating, because it causes a revolution, or because destruction is the only logical answer.” In other words iPhones and iPad are super awesome and one can’t rail against capitalism while coveting the latest Apple product so to preserve their art-cred they’ll just dive deep into it and pretend like they’re doing it as a critique.

And as you can guess, the product of all this wordy ridiculousness is HORRIBLE. It’s like Yanni took acid, essentially. See for yourself:

This truly is what the music in the elevator to hell sounds like.

We figure after hearing/seeing that garbage you might need to cleanse your palate, so we decided to take a ‘Vaporwave’ video and upgrade it to ‘Vaporizerwave” for your viewing pleasure. And how did we perform this upgrade? By adding Three 6 of course. Tell me this shit is not infinitely better.

 

 

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Like an episode of Jerry Springer, but with more fireworks.

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Whatever your city is doing, what the homies out in B-More are doing is 10x as crazy. 12 O’ Clock Boys is one of the hardest movies we’ve seen in a long time, hands down, exploring a city and a culture that just doesn’t give a fuck (and featuring Baltimore himies like Schwarz on the soundtrack) the film gets more done in it’s 75 minutes than most documentaries do in twice that.

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PUNK NOT ART NOISE NOT MUSIC ACK ACK ACK ACK

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