In honor of both shark week and the dear-god-this-got-old-in-2009 trend of OMG ZOMBIES now being in the news, we decided to put together a little game for y’all reading Superchief. The following quotes are pulled from REAL news stories. Decide whether the victim was attacked by a vicious predator of the sea or a bath salt fueled flesh eating man (answers at the bottommmmmmmmmmm)
1) “The state of the body is so bad. It was completely dismembered…This is a very hard case for us in terms of being extremely gross. We’re still missing body parts.”
2) “It felt like I was caught in a vise…I wasn’t tasty or something and he let me go.”
3) “He attacked me…just ripped me to ribbons. Chewed up my face. Basically that’s all there is to say about it.”
4) “I used a tourniquet and tied it around what was left, which wasn’t much…despite losing 60 percent of her blood, she survived.”
5) “Tore off his clothes…and attacked Blake with [its] teeth, tearing flesh from his biceps.”
6) “Ruptured bowel[s] yanked from her insides…eating on her guts I am feeding.”
7) “There was blood everywhere…circling his body-[the victim] was cut in half.”
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Answers:
2) Cape Cod Great White attack victim Chris Myers
3) Miami zombie attack victim Ronald Poppo on his mostly eaten face
4) Bethany Hamilton (famed one armed surfer) witness testimonial
5) A naked Charles Baker eats the flesh of Jeffery Blake during visit with kids
6) Cannibal Corpse “Entrails Ripped From a Virgin’s Cunt”
7) West Australian surfer chomped in half by a great white
