(text by Brian Orce // twitter.com/jimnobu // jimnobu.tumblr.com)

Read the last installment of Orce’s hotel reviews here.

THOMPSON LES – Feb 23 to April 27 (64 days)

I check into the Thompson LES and they show me to my room on the 10th floor. Let’s get some actual “reviewing of hotels” out of the way. The staff is way more on the ball here than either the Bowery or Standard East, though Standard East people were very nice. I get to the room and it’s about twice the size of the other rooms I stayed in at a decent bit less per night. Already a win.

The room is set up railroad style – bathroom, living room, bedroom. The living room has a legit couch and desk area separated from the “bedroom” with heavy, metallic hippy-bead curtains (which can support the weight of 2 people!). The television is on a swinging arm and can face the bed or the couch (and if you crane your neck you can kinda see it from the toilet). Overhead “rain shower” and Kiehl’s shower products. They even leave chocolates on the pillow along with a card that has tomorrow’s weather. I thought the chocolates-on-the-pillow shtick had gone the way of peanuts on airplanes. Guess not.

In terms of hotel bars, obviously Bowery was the winner, with Thompson LES a close second. Standard East was all right but too touristy. Though this shouldn’t influence your decision in where to stay – you can go to whatever hotel bar you want. However the problem I noticed with having a fun hotel bar combined with living on a higher floor was that every night when I was “done drinking” I would bump into people in the elevator and either drink for another few hours in their room, mine or the bar. The funny thing is, for all the time I spent in the bar there… I barely remember what it looks like. I think they filmed some early scenes of Shame at the bar, but I couldn’t place it.

I received a call from the front desk one day informing me that “according to New York State law you cannot stay more than 30 days in the same room.” I assume this is either to prevent me from becoming a legal resident of the room and getting tenant rights (which are pretty strong in the state of NY) or related to a law against flophouses. I asked a lawyer, and he told me:

Legal principles in some states, including, I believe, NY, result in a paying guest acquiring resident or tenant status after a period of time, which gives them certain rights to continue to occupy the room and makes it more difficult to dispossess them. That’s my best guess. Also, sales and occupancy taxes don’t apply to tenants, and I believe staying in residence for at least 30 days may establish that status, complicating the hotel’s right to charge (and to pay over to the state or city) those taxes. Best I can do.

Either way I had to move a few floors down to an identical room.

One night, after spending a long time trying to open my hotel room door with my Metrocard* (it didn’t work) I spent the morning unintentionally reenacting Martin Sheen’s hotel room scene from Apocalypse Now.

Dammit, Brian, you didn’t have to go that far for us.

Now, my memory of the events responsible for my mental state is a bit hazy and, if I can reconstruct them, they might find their way into a separate essay, but, for now, assume your typical story of too much booze and too little food. I woke up to a note under my door apologizing for a fire alarm at 4:30am which I definitely slept through. Could have been a fun little “wacky news” story about a guy who burned to death while living in exile due to a flooded apartment.

Good to know.

It wasn’t though, cuz I lived. Spent a few days drying out, which was boring as shit in a hotel but necessary if I wanted to survive long enough to return to my apartment. Which I did, after about 90 days in hotels. It was fun checking out in a shitty white t-shirt and having the guy at the front desk go through a 10 page bill amounting to about $20,000.

*The keys: GOLD: The Standard East had the best keycard system. You could leave it in your wallet and then just wave your ass in the general vicinity of the doorknob and it would open. SILVER: The Thompson had a card you had to physically remove to unlock your floor on the elevator, then insert in the door and then put back. Too much confusion and very drunk-unfriendly. I prefer convenience over security. BRONZE: The Bowery had these retarded magnetic “keys” that you had to insert AND TURN (!) which also came attached to a metal weight with tassels. I think you’re meant to leave them at the front desk but that would entail carrying on a coherent mini-conversation with a front desk person on your way back in. The worst!

- Brian Ocre

GOOSEBUMPS “SCARED TO SEE A DOCTOR” RECORD RELEASE SHOW AT 538 JOHNSON (FULL SETS FROM GOOSEBUMPS, AJAX, MERCENARY, LIBYANS, AND LA MISMA)

Like an episode of Jerry Springer, but with more fireworks.

FIGHT CLUB: THE BEST OF FRIDAY NIGHT THROWDOWN

Following the news of Throwdown’s return at SXSW this year with a Texas vs. NYC event, it seems only appropriate to take a look back at the history of Friday Night Throwdown, and the coverage we’ve had of it here on Superchief over the years. For the uninitiated; Friday Night Throwdown wasn’t just NYC’s best underground boxing event, it was NYC’s best underground party.

TEXAS VS. NYC: THROWDOWN RETURNS AT SXSW THIS YEAR

The organization that brought Ford models, Marines and Bloods together for New York’s best underground party is bringing their business to Austin, and bringing with them a Texas vs. NYC event…and Superchief will be covering the whole thing, from start to finish.

THIS APRIL: SUPERCHIEF GALLERY NYC PRESENTS JOHN FELIX ARNOLD III’S “EXCORRIGIA | THE SCOURGE”

From the world of UNSTOPPABLE TOMORROW, Superchief Gallery NYC returns this spring with John Felix Arnold III’s EXCORRIGIA | THE SCOURGE, an exhibition of new works in painting, drawing, mixed media, installation, and sound. The exhibition will run from April 3 through April 13, and there will be an opening reception on Thursday, April 3 from 6-10pm at CultureFix on 9 Clinton Street.

HIGH ON HUNGER: JANE CHARDIET

“High on Hunger” is Jane Chardiet’s new zine, featuring personal essay, photography and interviews with 12 artists, including some of our favorites, about their 2013 and their artistic goals in the new year, along with photographs of each licking fire. It’s good stuff, so I asked Jane about her 2013, because turnabout’s fair play and that’s how the game works.

12 O’ CLOCK BOYS (BALTIMORE STREETBIKE REALNESS)

Whatever your city is doing, what the homies out in B-More are doing is 10x as crazy. 12 O’ Clock Boys is one of the hardest movies we’ve seen in a long time, hands down, exploring a city and a culture that just doesn’t give a fuck (and featuring Baltimore himies like Schwarz on the soundtrack) the film gets more done in it’s 75 minutes than most documentaries do in twice that.

TAPE BAG #1: I HAVEN’T GOTTEN OFF MY COUCH IN DAYS.

Talking shit on random tapes cuz I wanna. Round one: Mongrel, Skinny Puppy, Madonna, Gowanus Mutant Kommandos, Temple of the Dog and MORE.

R.I.P RICKY LUANDA OF CHAIN GANG

Ricky Luanda of the experimental NYC punk band Chain Gang, one of the coolest bands ever, passed away earlier this week from esophogeal cancer. Watch 10 minutes of the bands’ rare, legendary, batshit crazy 1980′s film “MONDO MANHATTAN” right here.

ALWAYS KEEP THE CAMERA RUNNING: MAKS SUSKI’S VIDEOS OF THE NYC MUSIC SCENE

Maks Suski has been hard at work documenting live music in NYC on video for the last 4 years; we asked him to compile a list of some of his favorite videos that he’s shot, a list that includes Japanther, Action Bronson, Death Grips, Culo, Crystal Castles, Limp Wrist, Black Pus and more.

THERE IS A TINY LEG A QUARTER OF AN INCH BELOW YOUR TENTH RIB.

“Although Tiny Leg’s sound owes much of it’s inspiration to the Oakland glucose and thumbtrack scenes of the mid-nineties, and has been called by HotFridge magazine ‘a thumbcore homage to the sound of Velvet Curtis and Taco’ and ‘a slick-stale, neo-juicy, post-hipster alchemy, somewhere in between gluke-wave and puke-base’ by PeckerwoodsToday, those sentences are too journalistic and not souague enough, if one may permit my french.”

DAWN OF HUMANS, HANK WOOD & THE HAMMERHEADS, AND PHARMAKON PLAYED PS1 SATURDAY NIGHT (FULL SETS)

PUNK NOT ART NOISE NOT MUSIC ACK ACK ACK ACK

TOD SEELIE’S “BRIGHT NIGHTS” BOOK RELEASE & PHOTO SHOW AT SUPERCHIEF GALLERY AT CULTUREFIX (VIDEO)

Tod Seelie’s book release and photo show at Superchief Gallery at CultureFix was a celebration of the last 15 years of New York’s underground, for sure; but it also kept an eye on the future.

FUCKED UP CLOSED OUT 285 KENT’S LAST SHOW (FULL SET)

285 Kent finished it’s run last Sunday night; check out full video of Fucked Up’s headlining set right here.

SUPERCHIEF GALLERY AT MIAMI ART BASEL 2013: WILL SMITH CAN SUCK IT.

Superchief Gallery’s showing at Select Fair 2013 is even bigger, better and more batshit crazy than our 2012 showing was – check out photos here, and for homies in Miami, we’ll be at the Catalina Hotel all this week!

STACY KRANITZ’S SKATOPIA (50+ Photos From a Burnout’s Paradise)

Photographer Stacy Kranitz recently journeyed to Skatopia, a famed 88 acre skate park/commune in Ohio which was founded in 1995, documented in the 2010 film of the same name, and once described by writer Kevin Duffel as “a demented mess that meets halfway between an anarchistic Mad Maxian Thunderdome and a utopian skateboard society.” Goddamn if it isn’t one of the best things we’ve ever seen.