A couple months ago, Mexican navy reported a phenomenal find. In the Gulf port of Progresso on the Yucatan Peninsula, they noticed some abnormalities on an x-ray scan of a shipping vessel carrying sharks for consumption. They raided the ship, tore open the fish bodies, and found hundreds of neatly-packaged rectangles of white powder . The ship’s crew made a good catch and tried to pass it off as a preservative for the precious flesh, but the piggies brought in the dogs and confirmed their find. Here’s the cool part though: there was 1,970 lbs of cocaine stuffed into those frozen sharks. That’s almost one great white ton of blow.
Now, Mexican drug smugglers have been getting more creative in response to the fascist, American-fueled War on Drugs. In addition to essentially waging war with the Mexican state, there have been reported cases of cocaine smuggled in religious statues, beer cans, and tiny submarines. These, of course, are only the reported cases; there’s probably way more creative ways that cocaine is flowing across the border and onto our mirrors. Rockets, dead babies, and empanadas are all very reasonable methods of transport, and have all probably even been done already. What we have here on the other hand is a gamechanger: both sharks and cocaine are excellent things and do go together in a big way. Cocaine makes you feel kind of like a shark, cardsharks and loansharks do coke probably… it all fits.
What’s interesting about this case is that shark fishing, transport, and consumption is very highly regulated and seems extremely inconvenient. Probably because it’s morally depraved to kill a shark just for its fins so you can make some bougie-ass soup, especially when said shark is endangered. So the smugglers were adopting a hide-in-plain-sight type of approach, wagering that no one would suspect a nearly-illegal shipment of food to contain totally-illegal condiment. I wonder what would have been the fate of these shark bodies had the smugglers made it across. Maybe a bunch of suburbanites would unknowingly grill some cocaine-marinated shark steaks and taste the meat’s kerosene rub. Probably not though, they’d probably just throw the shark corpses out and people would keep pretending to enjoy shark fin soup; just like Americans’ insatiable appetite for status-symbol narcotics, our desire for brag-worthy foodstuffs will devour anything in its path.
Rails on rails ye ye