The Olympics are pretty boring and wack other than the fighting, handball, soccer is kinda sick and trampoline.  Trampoline is only cool because its stuff you can’t do in your backyard.  You can steal other people’s bounces and do flips and shit and maybe jump from your trampoline into your pool but that’s only if you’re privileged enough to have a pool.  I was privileged enough to have a trampoline  but had to get rid of it because Chris Doyle came over, fell on his face and split his mouth open.  Everything else in the Olympics I could bare to see maybe once every, I don’t know……4 years?? We watch the Olympics to see silly muscular girls in spandex and watch those stupid other sports thinking “what the fuck is this?”

A list of hot chicks in spandex.

This isn’t like a top 10, just a list  so chill.

(Ima give their specs too to look semi- profesh in this order: name, country from, event they’re in and their physical degree)

 

1) Nadine  Broersen, Netherlands, Heptathlon, 22 years old 5’7 

This girl weighs 140 pounds.  I’d def hit it but shit girl lose some weight, fatty. 

Are you seriously married too? I should really just take you off this list; that ill camel toe is your only saving grace.

 

2) Ivona Dadic, Austria, Heptathlon, 18 years old 5’10

I really think the whole 18 year old thing is overrated but an 18 year old throwing a big heavy ball around is pretty

impressive.

This isn’t racist but outties only look good on black guys, no homo.

 

3) Tom Daley, England, Diving,  18 years old 5’10

 

Yea.  Face, hair, eyes, bod; full package right here… and that too ;) . This chick is hot

 

4)Dalma Rushdi Malhas, Saudi Arabia, Equestrian, 20 years old

The Saudi-Arabian Lindsay Lohan

 

 Wow, what a knock out. With the helmet on. With the helmet off she kinda looks like some random chick but hey, can random chicks do this…

If  you’re horny, let’s do it, Ride it, my pony

My saddle’s waitin , ‘Come and jump on it

Do you realize how sick of this song this girl is? This girl rules though. She speaks English, Italian, French and Arabic. Imagine her yelling at you, then apologizing to you, then fucking you and last but certainly not least serenading you to sleep, combing your hair with her petite fingers telling you everything will be ok, all in different languages.  She also got played out from competing in the games because her stupid horse got hurt so she has my sympathy vote.

 

5) Michelle “Shelly” Jenneke, Australia, Hurdles,  19 years old

Yea, yea everyone knows this chick by now but deservedly so. Look at the triangular gap between her thigh and her puss, I love that! I really like that a lot when that happens when chicks where spandex.  I really really like that a lot

and of course this… without further ado …………………….

 

this song kicks ass , those thighs kick ass too

 

there’s  more

 

GOOSEBUMPS “SCARED TO SEE A DOCTOR” RECORD RELEASE SHOW AT 538 JOHNSON (FULL SETS FROM GOOSEBUMPS, AJAX, MERCENARY, LIBYANS, AND LA MISMA)

Like an episode of Jerry Springer, but with more fireworks.

FIGHT CLUB: THE BEST OF FRIDAY NIGHT THROWDOWN

Following the news of Throwdown’s return at SXSW this year with a Texas vs. NYC event, it seems only appropriate to take a look back at the history of Friday Night Throwdown, and the coverage we’ve had of it here on Superchief over the years. For the uninitiated; Friday Night Throwdown wasn’t just NYC’s best underground boxing event, it was NYC’s best underground party.

TEXAS VS. NYC: THROWDOWN RETURNS AT SXSW THIS YEAR

The organization that brought Ford models, Marines and Bloods together for New York’s best underground party is bringing their business to Austin, and bringing with them a Texas vs. NYC event…and Superchief will be covering the whole thing, from start to finish.

THIS APRIL: SUPERCHIEF GALLERY NYC PRESENTS JOHN FELIX ARNOLD III’S “EXCORRIGIA | THE SCOURGE”

From the world of UNSTOPPABLE TOMORROW, Superchief Gallery NYC returns this spring with John Felix Arnold III’s EXCORRIGIA | THE SCOURGE, an exhibition of new works in painting, drawing, mixed media, installation, and sound. The exhibition will run from April 3 through April 13, and there will be an opening reception on Thursday, April 3 from 6-10pm at CultureFix on 9 Clinton Street.

HIGH ON HUNGER: JANE CHARDIET

“High on Hunger” is Jane Chardiet’s new zine, featuring personal essay, photography and interviews with 12 artists, including some of our favorites, about their 2013 and their artistic goals in the new year, along with photographs of each licking fire. It’s good stuff, so I asked Jane about her 2013, because turnabout’s fair play and that’s how the game works.

12 O’ CLOCK BOYS (BALTIMORE STREETBIKE REALNESS)

Whatever your city is doing, what the homies out in B-More are doing is 10x as crazy. 12 O’ Clock Boys is one of the hardest movies we’ve seen in a long time, hands down, exploring a city and a culture that just doesn’t give a fuck (and featuring Baltimore himies like Schwarz on the soundtrack) the film gets more done in it’s 75 minutes than most documentaries do in twice that.

TAPE BAG #1: I HAVEN’T GOTTEN OFF MY COUCH IN DAYS.

Talking shit on random tapes cuz I wanna. Round one: Mongrel, Skinny Puppy, Madonna, Gowanus Mutant Kommandos, Temple of the Dog and MORE.

R.I.P RICKY LUANDA OF CHAIN GANG

Ricky Luanda of the experimental NYC punk band Chain Gang, one of the coolest bands ever, passed away earlier this week from esophogeal cancer. Watch 10 minutes of the bands’ rare, legendary, batshit crazy 1980′s film “MONDO MANHATTAN” right here.

ALWAYS KEEP THE CAMERA RUNNING: MAKS SUSKI’S VIDEOS OF THE NYC MUSIC SCENE

Maks Suski has been hard at work documenting live music in NYC on video for the last 4 years; we asked him to compile a list of some of his favorite videos that he’s shot, a list that includes Japanther, Action Bronson, Death Grips, Culo, Crystal Castles, Limp Wrist, Black Pus and more.

THERE IS A TINY LEG A QUARTER OF AN INCH BELOW YOUR TENTH RIB.

“Although Tiny Leg’s sound owes much of it’s inspiration to the Oakland glucose and thumbtrack scenes of the mid-nineties, and has been called by HotFridge magazine ‘a thumbcore homage to the sound of Velvet Curtis and Taco’ and ‘a slick-stale, neo-juicy, post-hipster alchemy, somewhere in between gluke-wave and puke-base’ by PeckerwoodsToday, those sentences are too journalistic and not souague enough, if one may permit my french.”

DAWN OF HUMANS, HANK WOOD & THE HAMMERHEADS, AND PHARMAKON PLAYED PS1 SATURDAY NIGHT (FULL SETS)

PUNK NOT ART NOISE NOT MUSIC ACK ACK ACK ACK

TOD SEELIE’S “BRIGHT NIGHTS” BOOK RELEASE & PHOTO SHOW AT SUPERCHIEF GALLERY AT CULTUREFIX (VIDEO)

Tod Seelie’s book release and photo show at Superchief Gallery at CultureFix was a celebration of the last 15 years of New York’s underground, for sure; but it also kept an eye on the future.

FUCKED UP CLOSED OUT 285 KENT’S LAST SHOW (FULL SET)

285 Kent finished it’s run last Sunday night; check out full video of Fucked Up’s headlining set right here.

SUPERCHIEF GALLERY AT MIAMI ART BASEL 2013: WILL SMITH CAN SUCK IT.

Superchief Gallery’s showing at Select Fair 2013 is even bigger, better and more batshit crazy than our 2012 showing was – check out photos here, and for homies in Miami, we’ll be at the Catalina Hotel all this week!

STACY KRANITZ’S SKATOPIA (50+ Photos From a Burnout’s Paradise)

Photographer Stacy Kranitz recently journeyed to Skatopia, a famed 88 acre skate park/commune in Ohio which was founded in 1995, documented in the 2010 film of the same name, and once described by writer Kevin Duffel as “a demented mess that meets halfway between an anarchistic Mad Maxian Thunderdome and a utopian skateboard society.” Goddamn if it isn’t one of the best things we’ve ever seen.