“I know them hoes from school, but yo them hoes mama’s be smokin dope, them hoes mama’s used to sell all they clothes to me for the low low” – Gucci Mane
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EUROPE IS LOSING THEIR SHIT: ONE SIDED BOOBS, CRYING CRIMINALS, AND DRUNK DRIVING
Because as we all know, other countries pull weird shit too.
THE INAUGURATION LUPE FIASCO
“Solzhenitsyn put it very quaintly,” says Lupe Fiasco. “Basically, there’s a duality in everything – there’s two sides to every story. Sometimes they complement each other, and sometimes they conflict.”
FOOTBALL AND FAKE GIRLFRIENDS: YOUR GUIDE TO ALL THINGS MANTI TE’O AND IMAGINARY BABES
Remember that movie where Al Pacino created that fake CGI movie star and then had to cover up the lie for the rest of the movie? No, because it was awful and no one’s seen that shit, thankfully. (It was called “S1mone”, by the way.)
Well, college football star Manti Te’o has kind of had a similar experience lately, except about 10x sadder because it was a fake dead girlfriend he was pretending to have, and he wasn’t 1/10th as good at getting away with it. Confused? Yep, so are we.
Police Ruin Imagined Possibilities For Stockholm Train Crash
Police said a cleaning woman stole a train and crashed it into an apartment building outside of Stockholm, Sweden, which is awesome. None of the American media outlets felt like mentioning the how or why, so we did a little digging and google-translated some shit, and got to the bottom of things.
NEW YEAR, NEW GALLERY, ALL NEW EVERYTHANG; SUPERCHIEF IS HIRING, COME GET AT US. (Details here)
JOIN US.
Breaking Out of Prison: Apparently Easier Than It Sounds
The duo was somehow left alone long enough to chisel a hole at the bottom of their window, remove the bars, rip and braid bed sheets into a rope, and escape with a 6 hour lead before the prison guards even noticed they were gone.
DPRK Archaeologists Discover Lair of King Tongmyŏng’s Unicorn
King Tongmyong, founder of the ancient Goguryeo Kingdom on the Korean penninsula, hatched from an egg according to historical lore.
Florida Womyn Beats Up Sexually Inept Boyfriend for Cumming Too Quickly
Whilst some afternoon intercourse, Raquel Gonzalez’s boyfriend, Esric Davis, busted a nut too soon; thus leaving her unsatisfied and pissed.
ZAD Reoccupation: 20,000 Mobilize in Notre Dame des Landes, France
ZAD Reoccupation: 20,000 Mobilize in Notre Dame des Landes, France 17th November 2012 – Today marks the full-force reoccupation of an area known as the ZAD (zone à défendre – zone to defend) in Notre Dame des Landes, Brittany, France. In response to the brutal eviction and bulldozing of various farms, the disruption of livestock [...]
MEANWHILE, GREECE IS BLOWING THE FUCK UP
While the US was reeling from a pretty predictable election this week, 100,000 protestors in Greece took to the streets and waged a spectacular war with the police. Molotov cocktails, tear gas canisters, and water cannons contributed to the destruction – another event in a much larger conflict that, to be blunt, isn’t going to end anytime soon.
BREAKING ELECTION ROUND-UP: OBAMA WON THE PRESIDENCY, BUT COLORADO AND WASHINGTON JUST WON LIFE BY LEGALIZING RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA
Big ups to Barack, Tammy Baldwin, and THE ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING STATE OF COLORADO. Weed and vaginas for everyone.
Smoke. Weed. To. This.
Hurricane Sandy is a Salty Bitch: NYC’s Toxic Shitstorm
(Update, 9:16 PM: Our editor lost power and is out of contact with us, so we’ll just keep posting and let em deal with it in the morning) Hey guys, guess what? There’s a ma’fuckin huuuuricane up in this bitch right now. Oh, you already knew that? Was it the broken glass or the garbage [...]
The Gulag Redux: Thanks for the News Pussy Riot, Now Rot in Siberia
After all, there is a reason the members wore ski masks in their performances: not to avoid getting caught by the authorities, as they always understood the risks, but to avoid getting caught in the cycle of objectification that would, inevitably, spay their radical message and render it cartoonish. Unfortunately, that is precisely what happened.
Happy Radiation: Fukushima’s Unit 4 at High Risk of Collapse
“Many scientists say if Unit 4 collapses, not only will Japan lie in ruin, but the entire world will also face serious damages.”
SEATTLE ANARCHISTS ARE HOUNDED BY THE FEDS, REFUSE FEDERAL GRAND JURY
“When they try to mercilessly gut communities, we do not scatter, we grow stronger, we thrive. [...] The State thinks it is a black hole that can destroy whatever it wants. In reality, it is much more like a stellar nursery, wherein it unintentionally creates new, strong anarchist stars.”
POLITICIAN OFFERS FREE COKE FOR VOTES IN BRAZIL (ANOTHER REASON WHY OUR ELECTIONS ARE BULLSHIT)
Obama, Romney, take some got damn notes.
HAPPY DAY OF INDIGENOUS RESISTANCE, EVERYBODY (Columbus was never a homie anyway)
Because for some reason, a holiday celebrating imperialism, genocide and rape really doesn’t jive with some people.
Hey, at least we get a day off.
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