SUPERCHIEF.tv

On the Fourth of July, ev’ry year,
Drunk on patriotism and beer,
Proud Americans play with explosives all day,
Practic’lly suicidal with cheer.

- Michaelanthony Mitchell

Mr. Grotesque’s Poetry Corner is a new series for SUPERCHIEF, written and illustrated by Michaelanthony Mitchell, AKA “Mr. Grotesque”. His previous work includes the Bizarre Blotters series, which graced the pages of SUPERCHIEF over the past year or so. This edition is not all that lurid, since it’s a tribute to our nation. However, there’s a Hell of a lot of grotesque and filthy poetry on the way. Stay tuned! And have a dangerously patriotic holiday, wherever you’re from!

Me driving cross country involves a lot of Faygo, No-Doz, Cadbury eggs, phone calls to my mummy and the Bible on tape. In the immortal words of St. 2Pac, though, “keep your head up.” The good times of a road trip can quickly go from this:

to this:

I know it always feels good to sleep at the wheel, the best sleep you’ll ever have, the sleep of the righteous, but honestly, I think it’s sort of a bad idea.

Watch yourself my fellow earthicans.

well maybe not a fraud just about 2,000 years ahead of his time. All we need now is some dude living in a cottage somewhere who turns water into wine…God is getting pissed.

ALMOST AS GOOD AS THIS!

“A Glendale woman stabbed her boyfriend with a corkscrew during an argument in their home, authorities said yesterday.

“[The woman], 44, clashed for unknown reason with her boyfriend in their residence… at 11:40 p.m. on Oct. 31, sources said.

“[She] allegedly grabbed the corkscrew and plunged it into the man’s arm, then picked up a knife and stabbed him in the face.

“She was charged with assault and menacing, said a spokeswoman for Queens DA Richard Brown.”

Cops took a bite out of crime when they arrested a subway rider for chomping off part of a fellow straphanger’s finger in Jackson Heights.

[The chomper], 48, jumped the man aboard an F train nearing the Roosevelt Avenue station at 8:10 a.m. on Feb. 11, police said.

The man tried to fight off [the chomper], who bit off the top of the victim’s index finger, cops said.

[The chomper] was soon in handcuffs, said a spokeswoman for DA Richard Brown.

Surgeons reattached the victim’s digit.

A bullet remains lodged in the nose of a man who shot himself in Cypress Hills, cops said.

[The man], 30, and the mother of his child argued over money in her apartment… at 1:25 p.m. Wednesday, cops said.

She allegedly kicked him out when he showed her a gun he was planning to sell.

Soon afterward, [the man] was found bleeding from a gunshot wound in the hallway.

At Brookdale Hospital, doctors told [the man] that surgical complications prevented them from removing the bullet lodged in his nose.

[The man] allegedly told cops he shot himself, but wouldn’t elaborate.

A New Jersey man strangled his gay lover with a rope in the victim’s Alphabet City apartment, police sources said yesterday.

[The man] allegedly wrapped the rope around the neck and wrist of [the victim], 39, in [the victim's] apartment… at 4 a.m. Friday.

Authorities found [the victim's] body face up on the floor of his bedroom. [The other man] had fled, police said, but was arrested the next day on murder charges.

Seaside vacationers in New Zealand are swimming in fear because of a bully dolphin.

A bad-boy bottlenose has been treating beachgoers like nautical nerds, overturning kayaks and tipping over skiers.

“He’s doing what we all do as teenagers,” a dolphin-behavior expert said. “He’s testing his boundaries, but he’s testing them on humans.”

[A young man], 21 was busted for head-butting a statue of an angel outside a Woodhaven home, cops said.

The resident of the house on 97th Avenue near 97th Street saw [the young man] grab the statue, shake and head-butt it Sunday at 2 a.m., sources said.

The resident called 911 and [the young man] admitted to arriving cops, “Yeah, it was a stupid thing. I did it,” the sources said.

He was charged with criminal mischief and harassment, said a spokesperson for DA Richard Brown.

Defeated [Romanian Presidential] candidate Mircea Geoana claims that [Traian] Basescu once beamed “negative energy” at him, making him lose a debate.

Even worse, Geoana’s aide claimed that Basescu always dressed in purple on Thursdays — to increase his chance of victory.

It was funny money, cops said, but no one was laughing. A man was arrested after he allegedly passed some counterfeit bills at a TriBeCa hot spot.

[A man], 31, ordered a drink in the club at Varick and Spring streets at about 3:30 a.m. Jan. 8.

He passed a phony $100 bill to a worker to pay for the drink, cops said.

But the bill was of such poor quality that the worker was immediately suspicious and called police, sources said.

Cops said they recovered 10 more bogus Benjamins from [the man], who was charged with possession of a forged instrument.

A 63-year-old husband from Sweden was cleared of slaying his wife after cops said they discovered the perpetrator was likely a moose.

[The man] spent 10 days in jail, but after cops found moose hair and saliva at the scene, the “antler fit” and they had to acquit.

Talk about a fashion victim. A catfight between two women in St. Albans turned bloody when one assaulted the other with her stiletto heel, cops said.

[The assailant], 18, was arguing with an acquaintance at Guy Brewer Boulevard and 108th Avenue at 7 a.m. on Dec. 5, cops said.

[The assailant] allegedly pounded the woman with her fists and then began hitting her in the head with her high heel.

The victim needed seven surgical staples to close her gashes.

[The assailant] was charged with assault and harassment, said a spokesman for DA Richard Brown.