SUPERCHIEF.tv

I’m sorry to take up the next 14 minutes and 19 seconds of your life but you will be a better person in the end.

Unfortunately, you have to watch these all the way through, we’ll tough this out together.

You won’t regret it (you might if you’re stupid).

Love,

Barfshark

Come get down this Monday for the second installation of my new dopeeeeee fucking party at Home Sweet Home.  Crypto-Night!  Myself (Cool Hand Luke), Dirtyfinger, and HALF PRICED, I REPEAT, HALF-PRICED, drinks ALL NIGHT.  Ya dig?

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=142962052405502&ref=ts

We’re tearing Legion a new butt hole this Friday.

No Cover
Drink Specials
21+

LINEUP-

Rev McFly (Ninjasonik)

Mr. Andersonic

Cool Hand Luke (TrifeLife/Nightspitter/PartyXPO)

DJ Johnny Sierra (The Death Set)

DJ Nine Lives The Cat (The Death Set)

Plus special guest appearances by Michael Vick, Lester Diamond and the ghost of Nicole Brown Simpson.

buck buck buck.

BANGERS PROJECT starts tonight.  Hosted by Cool Hand Luke X Trifelife.  We got bottles…  No Cover.  21+.  At Gallery Bar on Orchard by Delancey.

2 for 1 margaritas from 10-12

Lineup-

Cool Hand Luke (TrifeLife/Nightspitter/PartyXPO)

Anton Glamb (Radical Outing)

WCKids (Weathy Ho$tage/Mota)

Skitsnygg (Radical Outing)

plus a special performance by dancehall artist Platnum Star.

Bow down before our shiny metal masters. For some reason a Los Angeles County jail has developed a laser that produces a “burning sensation” in humans(!)

Thanks guys! Why the fuck did you make that? Why don’t you try to decrease the stabbings or give the good folks on C-Block two pieces of cheese in their sandwiches?

Oh well, here’s some dumbasses and a robot.

You can almost feel the coming bloodshed. Happy Birthday, Bill.

We’re goin in, and we’re gonna go hard.

Warmth among friends was shared in both temperature and liquid form at Party Expo thanks to the bands Boogie Boarders, Snakes Say Hiss, and special guests: Thee Oh Sees who were doin’ their thing and jammin’ everyone’s hearts out.  Upstairs, Cool Hand Luke, Maxwell 57, Nick Gazin, and Maggie LEE were spinning it all around; there wasn’t a dry body in the place.  So here’s to Vice and Colt 45, we raise our cans to you, free beer, pool, floor ponds, and skate ramps.  You better believe we love those summer nights.

wow this video hurt me and I want the authorities to know

-First off, I don’t want this to turn into a girls against boys feminist thing. Women are awesome, these broads are probably pretty cool (and I would kick it to them) but their band CHUNKS and they should go back to Conde Nast. p.s. i think girls against boys are pretty cool so what do i know

-this group is on epicac records. if that isn’t based on the Vonnegut story it is an aptly named record company

-0:12, the way this gal is concentrating on playing that simple guitar part kind of giggles me out. or is she thinking about something else? she should be — hoop earrings? HELLO GIRLFRIEND! HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

-and then the internet kicks in. I never thought I’d say this but the internet has killed music videos. everybody’s got vomiting unicorns laserbeaming gary colemans because it costs, like, nine dollars to produce. is it actually more expensive to do an interesting vid-yo where the band just plays their instruments? I mean not these guys because they don’t play anything and I would hate to see them standing there fake ad-rocking with their jazz hands all over my saturday. solution? just don’t make the video and I’m a happy guy.

-fuck baggy jeans. show off your plump, girl.

-this reporter is sick of cheesy fat hipsters with silly hair being in videos “doing” “funny” “stuff”. I’m fat and look horrible and I have never been asked to be in a video and so nobody gets to swim in the pool. Also, I think less people should have fat friends. Let them frolic with their own kind.

-oh, yeah. these chicks fucking RAP. did I mention that? Please stop doing that. I guess you can continue to sing your crap-pop hooks if it makes you feel better but if you ain’t the geto boys, it shouldn’t be done.

Since these ladies are all obviously moms, I apologize to they kids.

Word.

It’s true. We never take breaks from the important stuff, dingos. Whether it be eating glass or interviewing Jonathan Safran Foer, we are always ready to take a bullet for Reagan and save the internet again.

It’s not easy. it requires a lot of physical training.

I was watching some “It’s Always Sunny” reruns on Comedy Central last night when I saw this HP commercial with Dr. Dre:

like what the fuck was that? seriously. There’s an astronomical amount of bullshit happening all over this commercial.

I mean there’s no way Dre was excited about shooting this futuristic nonsense, right? I don’t see him being all like, “HELL YEAH, ALL THAT SHIT IS ENTIRELY NECESSARY TO SELL COMPUTERS. THE FACE GUARD? THE FLOATING TRAY? THE ROBOT COMPUTER ROOM THAT WILL NEVER EVER EXIST ANYWHERE? DAMN, YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKIN GENIUSES!” Not a chance.

The old Dre woulda slapped a bitch for trying to get him to act in some crap like this, best balee dat. Here’s your proof:

unnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh

On the Fourth of July, ev’ry year,
Drunk on patriotism and beer,
Proud Americans play with explosives all day,
Practic’lly suicidal with cheer.

- Michaelanthony Mitchell

Mr. Grotesque’s Poetry Corner is a new series for SUPERCHIEF, written and illustrated by Michaelanthony Mitchell, AKA “Mr. Grotesque”. His previous work includes the Bizarre Blotters series, which graced the pages of SUPERCHIEF over the past year or so. This edition is not all that lurid, since it’s a tribute to our nation. However, there’s a Hell of a lot of grotesque and filthy poetry on the way. Stay tuned! And have a dangerously patriotic holiday, wherever you’re from!

Goddamn, it’s like everything seems to fuck up 10 times worst down South. Thanks, BP!